קורץ און שארף

[האט קאפ]

האט איר אין אייער באזיץ אייער סעל. טוה איך מיינען,
עפעס אינטערסאנט צו לאכן אדער צום וויינען,
אל תחזיק טובה לעצמך, נאר אין דעם אשכול זאל עס ערשיינען,
זאלן דיינע חברים אינערהאלב די קאפע הויז אויך האבן צו ליינען.

[האט קאפ]

My shvigger has a heart of gold... Or whatever metal they're using these days to make robotic hearts...

[האט קאפ]

Dentist: "So, how's school going?" Me: "Agraaagaaaggraaagagaa... Agraa, agraagaa." Dentist: that sound fun...

[האט קאפ]

My VM message: Hi if its your first time calling leave a message...if its your second time calling GET the message...

[האט קאפ]

U Wake up,U get up,U stand up,U sit up, Hands up! Heads up! 7up Ketchup,U back up,U walk up Shut up Hurry up Pick up And U still DOWN

[האט קאפ]

Wife: I had a dream that you bought me a mink coat, Husband: go back to sleep & wear it Gezinterheit........."

[האט קאפ]

I heard that Mendeleh viznitzer did go to the levayeh because he isn't going to Srul'tchees simches...

[האט קאפ]

If someone is looking at their phone and smiling, they automatically look like a stock photo

[האט קאפ]

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

[יידל]

U Wake up,U get up,U stand up,U sit up, Hands up! Heads up! 7up Ketchup,U back up,U walk up Shut up Hurry up Pick up And U still DOWN

לא זכיתי להבין את הבדיחה. אנא הסבר.

[האט קאפ]

down איז א אויסדריק פאר מרה שחורה און up איז אויסדריק פאר גוטמוטיג
איצט לייען עס איבער

[האט קאפ]

A pharmacy is a Toys R Us for old people...

[האט קאפ]

Wen guy on phone keeps asking u 2 repeat urself, he's either texting or putting it on speaker 4 someone else 2 hear

[שמואל שלום שלמה]

HOT CUP
KEEP IT UP

[האט קאפ]

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

[שמואל שלום שלמה]

אין אידיש גייט דער וויץ אוי: מענטש צום אויברשטען: אי אמת אז ביי דיר איז א מיליאן יאר פונקט ווי א סעקונדע?
אויבערשטער: יא
מענטשל און אי אמת א ביי דיר איז א מיליאן דאלאר פונקט ווי א פעני?
אויבערשטער: יא.
מענטש: אויבערשטער, איך קען האבן א מיליאן דאלאר?
אויבערשטער: א סעקונדע.

[גוגל-הדור]

http://www.jamesshuggins.com/h/hum1/lan ... stions.htm

Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why is it called "rush hour" when your car barely moves?

If a 7-eleven is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If it's a circular drive, how do you get out?

How do "Don't Walk on the Grass" signs get there?

Why does sour cream have a "use by" date?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station . . .

If Fed ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

Should you ever have plastic surgery from a doctor whose office is full of portraits by Picasso?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Can you yell "Movie!" in a crowded fire station?

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

[האט קאפ]

שקויעך "גוגל'ע"
שמחתי - צחקתי - ונהניתי
כה לחי!

[האט קאפ]

Evry great dream beginsW a dreamer. Always remember,U have withinU the strength the patience &the passion2 reach4the stars2change the world

[האט קאפ]

Grandfather: Jack go hide u'r teacher is here & u were absent 2day from school, Jack: u go hide I told him that u died, Haha..

[האט קאפ]

I'M FINE ,THANKS FOR NOT ASKING.

[האט קאפ]

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." -

[האט קאפ]

Nisht fargesn the "VAYIKRU" chamush