אנגעזעצטע זענען געלאדענט.
אסאך מאל זעהט מען א פאזעטיווע רעיון וואס בליצט אויף א קלארקייט און קאפ, און לאזט א איינדרוק אויפן מענטש.
דער אשכול איז א ליקוט פון פארשידענע פאזעטיווע רעיונות, בילדער, אדער קליפס וואס העלפט די מחשבה שטייגן און איר געדאנקן גאנג.
פאזעטיווע געדאנקן
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פאזעטיווע געדאנקן
אין לך את ההרשאות המתאימות על מנת לצפות בקבצים המצורפים להודעה זאת.
אהבה איז מיין רעליגיע, שנאה איז מיין שונא, שלום איז מיין חבר און שמחה איז מיין ציל.
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Big Boy
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[left]“Ask Yourself The Question, ‘Will This Matter A Year From Now?”
Almost every day, I play a game with myself that I call “time warp.” I made it up in response to my consistent, erroneous belief that what I was all worked up about was really important. To play “time warp,” all you have to do is imagine that whatever circumstance you are dealing with isn’t happening right now but a year from now. Then simply ask yourself, “Is this situation really as important as I’m making it out to be?” Once in a great while it maybe – but a vast majority of the time, it simply isn’t
Whether it be an argument with your spouse, child or boss, a mistake, a lost opportunity, a lost wallet, a work-related rejection, or sprained ankle, chances are, a year from now you aren’t going to care. It will be one more irrelevant detail in your life. While this simple game won’t solve all your problems, it can give you an enormous amount of needed perspective. I find myself laughing at things that I used to take far too seriously. Now, rather than using up my energy feeling angry and overwhelmed, I can use it instead on spending time with my wife and children or engaging in creative thinking[/left]
Almost every day, I play a game with myself that I call “time warp.” I made it up in response to my consistent, erroneous belief that what I was all worked up about was really important. To play “time warp,” all you have to do is imagine that whatever circumstance you are dealing with isn’t happening right now but a year from now. Then simply ask yourself, “Is this situation really as important as I’m making it out to be?” Once in a great while it maybe – but a vast majority of the time, it simply isn’t
Whether it be an argument with your spouse, child or boss, a mistake, a lost opportunity, a lost wallet, a work-related rejection, or sprained ankle, chances are, a year from now you aren’t going to care. It will be one more irrelevant detail in your life. While this simple game won’t solve all your problems, it can give you an enormous amount of needed perspective. I find myself laughing at things that I used to take far too seriously. Now, rather than using up my energy feeling angry and overwhelmed, I can use it instead on spending time with my wife and children or engaging in creative thinking[/left]
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רויטע וואנצעס
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- זיך רעגיסטרירט: דאנערשטאג יוני 27, 2013 1:17 pm
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Big Boy
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[left]“Allow Yourself to Be Bored”
For many of us, our lives are so filled with stimuli, not to mention responsibilities, that it’s almost impossible for us to sit still and do nothing, much less relax – even for a few minutes. A friend of mine said to me, “People are no longer human beings. We should be called human doings”
I was first exposed to the idea that occasional boredom can actually be good for me while studying with a therapist in La Conner, Washington, a tiny little town with very little “to do.” After finishing our first day together, I asked my instructor, “What is there to do around here at night?” He responded by saying, “What I’d like you to do is allow yourself to be bored. Do nothing. This is part of your training.” At first, I thought he was kidding! “Why on earth would I choose to be bored?” I asked. He went on to explain that if you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour – or less – and don’t fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you’ll learn to relax
Much to my surprise, he was absolutely right. At first, I could barely stand it. I was so used to doing something every second that I really struggled to relax. But after a while, I got used to it, and have long since learned to enjoy it. I’m not talking about hours of idle time or laziness, but simply learning the art of relaxing, of just “being,” rather than “doing,” for a few minutes each day. There isn’t a specific technique other than to consciously do nothing. Just sit still, perhaps look out the window and notice your thoughts and feelings. At first you may get a little anxious, but each day, it will get a little easier. The payback is tremendous
Much of our anxiety and inner struggle stems from our busy, overactive minds always needing something to entertain them, something to focus on, and always wondering “What’s next?” While we’re eating dinner, we would wonder what’s for dessert. While eating dessert, we ponder what we should do afterward. After that evening, it’s “What should we do this weekend?” After we’ve been out, we walk into the house and immediately turn on the television, pick up the phone, open a book, or start cleaning. It’s almost as though we’re frightened at the thought of not having something to do, even for a minute
The beauty of doing nothing is that it teaches you to clear your mind and relax. It allows your mind the freedom to “not know,” for a brief period of time. Just like your body, your mind needs an occasional break from its hectic routine. When you allow your mind to take a break, it comes back stronger, sharper, more focused and creative
When you allow yourself to be bored, it takes an enormous amount of pressure off you to be performing and doing something every second of every day. Now, when either of my two children says to me, “Daddy, I’m bored,” I respond by saying, “Great, be bored for a while. It’s good for you.” Once I say this, they always give up on the idea of me solving their problem. You probably never thought someone would actually suggest that you allow yourself to be bored. I guess there’s a first for everything![/left]
For many of us, our lives are so filled with stimuli, not to mention responsibilities, that it’s almost impossible for us to sit still and do nothing, much less relax – even for a few minutes. A friend of mine said to me, “People are no longer human beings. We should be called human doings”
I was first exposed to the idea that occasional boredom can actually be good for me while studying with a therapist in La Conner, Washington, a tiny little town with very little “to do.” After finishing our first day together, I asked my instructor, “What is there to do around here at night?” He responded by saying, “What I’d like you to do is allow yourself to be bored. Do nothing. This is part of your training.” At first, I thought he was kidding! “Why on earth would I choose to be bored?” I asked. He went on to explain that if you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour – or less – and don’t fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you’ll learn to relax
Much to my surprise, he was absolutely right. At first, I could barely stand it. I was so used to doing something every second that I really struggled to relax. But after a while, I got used to it, and have long since learned to enjoy it. I’m not talking about hours of idle time or laziness, but simply learning the art of relaxing, of just “being,” rather than “doing,” for a few minutes each day. There isn’t a specific technique other than to consciously do nothing. Just sit still, perhaps look out the window and notice your thoughts and feelings. At first you may get a little anxious, but each day, it will get a little easier. The payback is tremendous
Much of our anxiety and inner struggle stems from our busy, overactive minds always needing something to entertain them, something to focus on, and always wondering “What’s next?” While we’re eating dinner, we would wonder what’s for dessert. While eating dessert, we ponder what we should do afterward. After that evening, it’s “What should we do this weekend?” After we’ve been out, we walk into the house and immediately turn on the television, pick up the phone, open a book, or start cleaning. It’s almost as though we’re frightened at the thought of not having something to do, even for a minute
The beauty of doing nothing is that it teaches you to clear your mind and relax. It allows your mind the freedom to “not know,” for a brief period of time. Just like your body, your mind needs an occasional break from its hectic routine. When you allow your mind to take a break, it comes back stronger, sharper, more focused and creative
When you allow yourself to be bored, it takes an enormous amount of pressure off you to be performing and doing something every second of every day. Now, when either of my two children says to me, “Daddy, I’m bored,” I respond by saying, “Great, be bored for a while. It’s good for you.” Once I say this, they always give up on the idea of me solving their problem. You probably never thought someone would actually suggest that you allow yourself to be bored. I guess there’s a first for everything![/left]
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Big Boy
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“Lower Your Tolerance To Stress”
It seems that we have it backward in our society. We tend to look up to people who are under a great deal of stress, who can handle loads of stress, and those who are under a great deal of pressure. When someone says, “I’ve been working really hard,” or “I’m really stressed out,” we are taught to admire, even emulate their behavior. In my work as a stress consultant, I hear the proud words “I have a very high tolerance to stress” almost every day. It probably won’t come as a surprise that when these stressed – out people first arrive at my office, more often than not, what they are hoping for are strategies to raise their tolerance to stress even higher so that they can handle even more!
Fortunately, there is an inviolable law in our emotional environment that goes something like this: Our current level of stress will be exactly that of our tolerance to stress. You’ll notice that the people who say, “I can handle lots of stress” will always be under a great deal of it! So, if you teach people to raise their tolerance to stress, that’s exactly what will happen. They will accept even more confusion and responsibility until again, their external level of stress matches that of their tolerance. Usually it takes a crisis of some kind to wake up a stressed – out person to their own craziness – a spouse leaves, a health issue emerges, a serious addiction takes over their life – something happens that jolts them into a search for a new kind of strategy.
It may seem strange, but if you were to enroll in the average stress management workshop, what you would probably learn is to raise your tolerance to stress. It seems that even stress consultants are stressed out! What you want to start doing is noticing your stress early, before it gets out of hand. When you feel your mind moving too quickly, it is time to back off and regain your bearings. When your schedule is getting out of hand, it is a signal that it is time to slow down and reevaluate what is important rather than power through everything on the list. When you’re feeling out of control and resentful of all you have to do, rather than roll up your sleeves and get to it, a better strategy is to relax, take a few deep breaths, and go for a short walk. You’ll find that when you catch yourself getting too stressed out – early before it gets out of control – your stress will be like the proverbial snowball rolling down the hill. When it is small, it is manageable and easy to control. Once it gathers momentum, however, it is difficult, if not impossible to stop.
There’s no need to worry that you won’t get it all done. When your mind is clear and peaceful and your stress level is reduced, you’ll be more effective and you’ll have more fun. As you lower your tolerance to stress, you will find that you’ll have far less stress to handle, as well as creative ideas for handling the stress that is left over.
It seems that we have it backward in our society. We tend to look up to people who are under a great deal of stress, who can handle loads of stress, and those who are under a great deal of pressure. When someone says, “I’ve been working really hard,” or “I’m really stressed out,” we are taught to admire, even emulate their behavior. In my work as a stress consultant, I hear the proud words “I have a very high tolerance to stress” almost every day. It probably won’t come as a surprise that when these stressed – out people first arrive at my office, more often than not, what they are hoping for are strategies to raise their tolerance to stress even higher so that they can handle even more!
Fortunately, there is an inviolable law in our emotional environment that goes something like this: Our current level of stress will be exactly that of our tolerance to stress. You’ll notice that the people who say, “I can handle lots of stress” will always be under a great deal of it! So, if you teach people to raise their tolerance to stress, that’s exactly what will happen. They will accept even more confusion and responsibility until again, their external level of stress matches that of their tolerance. Usually it takes a crisis of some kind to wake up a stressed – out person to their own craziness – a spouse leaves, a health issue emerges, a serious addiction takes over their life – something happens that jolts them into a search for a new kind of strategy.
It may seem strange, but if you were to enroll in the average stress management workshop, what you would probably learn is to raise your tolerance to stress. It seems that even stress consultants are stressed out! What you want to start doing is noticing your stress early, before it gets out of hand. When you feel your mind moving too quickly, it is time to back off and regain your bearings. When your schedule is getting out of hand, it is a signal that it is time to slow down and reevaluate what is important rather than power through everything on the list. When you’re feeling out of control and resentful of all you have to do, rather than roll up your sleeves and get to it, a better strategy is to relax, take a few deep breaths, and go for a short walk. You’ll find that when you catch yourself getting too stressed out – early before it gets out of control – your stress will be like the proverbial snowball rolling down the hill. When it is small, it is manageable and easy to control. Once it gathers momentum, however, it is difficult, if not impossible to stop.
There’s no need to worry that you won’t get it all done. When your mind is clear and peaceful and your stress level is reduced, you’ll be more effective and you’ll have more fun. As you lower your tolerance to stress, you will find that you’ll have far less stress to handle, as well as creative ideas for handling the stress that is left over.
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ונבנתה העיר
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איינער זאגט מיר אז אין דריי וואכן ארום איז פרשת נח.
מ'דארף צוריק אראפברענגען דעם רבי'ן
אמר ונבנתה: אל עבר החלון נשקפתי ונתתי אל לבי כי שבת האדם ממנו, חומר וגשם – ורוח אין, בחנתיו, והנה הוא תולדת מקריו – כאשר ילך המקרה כך יתעצב לבו ודמותו, לרגעים אבחננו, כאשר יאמר החכם כי אין הוויית רגע מול רגע נוצרת כי אם בהתחדש מקריו, ואל מי יקר המקרה?
אמר ונבנתה: אל עבר החלון נשקפתי ונתתי אל לבי כי שבת האדם ממנו, חומר וגשם – ורוח אין, בחנתיו, והנה הוא תולדת מקריו – כאשר ילך המקרה כך יתעצב לבו ודמותו, לרגעים אבחננו, כאשר יאמר החכם כי אין הוויית רגע מול רגע נוצרת כי אם בהתחדש מקריו, ואל מי יקר המקרה?
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Big Boy
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“Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral”
This strategy is a little scary for some people but universally effective at reminding us of what’s most important in our lives.
When we look back on our lives, how many of us are going to be pleased at how uptight we were? Almost universally, when people look back on their lives while on their deathbed, they wish that their priorities had been quite different. With few exceptions, people wish they didn’t sweat the small stuff so much. Instead, they wish they had spent more time with the people and activities that they truly loved and less time worrying about aspects of life that, upon deeper examination, really don’t matter all that much. Imagining yourself at your own funeral allows you to look back at your life while you still have the chance to make some important changes.
While it can be a little scary or painful, it is a good idea to consider your own death and in the process, your life. Doing so will remind you of the kind of person you want to be and the priorities that are most important to you. If you are at all like me, you’ll probably get a wake-up call that can be an excellent source of change.
This strategy is a little scary for some people but universally effective at reminding us of what’s most important in our lives.
When we look back on our lives, how many of us are going to be pleased at how uptight we were? Almost universally, when people look back on their lives while on their deathbed, they wish that their priorities had been quite different. With few exceptions, people wish they didn’t sweat the small stuff so much. Instead, they wish they had spent more time with the people and activities that they truly loved and less time worrying about aspects of life that, upon deeper examination, really don’t matter all that much. Imagining yourself at your own funeral allows you to look back at your life while you still have the chance to make some important changes.
While it can be a little scary or painful, it is a good idea to consider your own death and in the process, your life. Doing so will remind you of the kind of person you want to be and the priorities that are most important to you. If you are at all like me, you’ll probably get a wake-up call that can be an excellent source of change.
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Big Boy
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Once an unhappy young man came to an old master and told him that he had a very sad life and asked for a solution.
The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.
“How does it taste?” – the Master asked.
“Terrible.” – spat the apprentice.
The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake.
The old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”
As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the Master asked, “How does it taste?”
“Good!” – remarked the apprentice.
“Do you taste the salt?” – asked the Master.
“No.” – said the young man.
The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of ‘pain’ that we taste depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”
The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.
“How does it taste?” – the Master asked.
“Terrible.” – spat the apprentice.
The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake.
The old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”
As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the Master asked, “How does it taste?”
“Good!” – remarked the apprentice.
“Do you taste the salt?” – asked the Master.
“No.” – said the young man.
The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of ‘pain’ that we taste depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”
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Big Boy
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“Back to School Is Like New Year’s for Grown-Ups”
-K. Shelby Skrhak
I was inspired by something I read by SUCCESS blogger Patti Johnson, who said back to school for kids is like adult New Year’s. She’s absolutely right. All the promises we make to ourselves as the calendar winds down to Day 365 and turns over to Day One are the same pledges that students make every summer’s end as they head back to school.
I will be a better student.
I will make more friends.
I will make the varsity team.
I will be one of the cool kids.
As adults, we pledge these same mantras on Dec. 31, perhaps with a champagne flute in hand. “This year will be my year,” we proclaim to no one in particular.
I will be a better boss or employee.
I will be a better friend.
I will get promoted.
I will be the Facebook or LinkedIn profile I actually portray.
We’re all works in progress. I reminded my 6-year-old son of this the other day when we had an interesting conversation about perfection. We were talking about “being an angel” behaviorally when he asked what exactly that meant. I told him angels are perfect and make no mistakes like ordinary people like you and me.
With a look of hurt and surprise, he said, “You mean I’m not perfect?” Like an aside in a play, he continued talking to himself or the dog, I’m not sure. “Mommy doesn’t think I’m perfect.”
Tripping over my own words, I told him that nobody is perfect, but you can be the most perfect version of yourself. He and I both were not satisfied with my response, so I continued.
“I think you are the most perfect you.”
Should I have told him yes, he’s perfect? No, because that’s the challenge of life—to become better beings every day. Does a 6-year-old get that? Probably not. But that’s what every new school year and calendar year promises—the opportunity to recognize where we need improvement in our lives and ourselves, and the shiny new optimism to resolve that we’ll make those improvements and be better.
Incidentally, we had that talk about perfection on the first day of school. Every new morning brings the opportunity to be better than we were the day before, I told him in less eloquent words that I’m writing here. So the next morning came and as he was getting ready for his second day of school, he tripped and fell into a sharp corner, cutting himself below his eyebrow. He earned three stitches and a black eye.
Never mind what I said. No one’s perfect. But tomorrow is another day.
-K. Shelby Skrhak
I was inspired by something I read by SUCCESS blogger Patti Johnson, who said back to school for kids is like adult New Year’s. She’s absolutely right. All the promises we make to ourselves as the calendar winds down to Day 365 and turns over to Day One are the same pledges that students make every summer’s end as they head back to school.
I will be a better student.
I will make more friends.
I will make the varsity team.
I will be one of the cool kids.
As adults, we pledge these same mantras on Dec. 31, perhaps with a champagne flute in hand. “This year will be my year,” we proclaim to no one in particular.
I will be a better boss or employee.
I will be a better friend.
I will get promoted.
I will be the Facebook or LinkedIn profile I actually portray.
We’re all works in progress. I reminded my 6-year-old son of this the other day when we had an interesting conversation about perfection. We were talking about “being an angel” behaviorally when he asked what exactly that meant. I told him angels are perfect and make no mistakes like ordinary people like you and me.
With a look of hurt and surprise, he said, “You mean I’m not perfect?” Like an aside in a play, he continued talking to himself or the dog, I’m not sure. “Mommy doesn’t think I’m perfect.”
Tripping over my own words, I told him that nobody is perfect, but you can be the most perfect version of yourself. He and I both were not satisfied with my response, so I continued.
“I think you are the most perfect you.”
Should I have told him yes, he’s perfect? No, because that’s the challenge of life—to become better beings every day. Does a 6-year-old get that? Probably not. But that’s what every new school year and calendar year promises—the opportunity to recognize where we need improvement in our lives and ourselves, and the shiny new optimism to resolve that we’ll make those improvements and be better.
Incidentally, we had that talk about perfection on the first day of school. Every new morning brings the opportunity to be better than we were the day before, I told him in less eloquent words that I’m writing here. So the next morning came and as he was getting ready for his second day of school, he tripped and fell into a sharp corner, cutting himself below his eyebrow. He earned three stitches and a black eye.
Never mind what I said. No one’s perfect. But tomorrow is another day.
-
Big Boy
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- זיך רעגיסטרירט: דינסטאג מאי 28, 2013 5:53 pm
- האט שוין געלייקט: 636 מאל
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“Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking Of Someone To Thank”
This simple strategy, which may take only a few seconds to complete, has long been one of the most important habits I have ever engaged in. I try to remember to start my day thinking of someone to thank. To me, gratitude and inner peace go hand in hand. The more genuinely grateful I feel for the gift of my life, the more peaceful I feel. Gratitude, then, is worthy of a little practice.
If you’re anything like me, you probably have many people in your life to feel grateful for: friends, family members, people from your past, teachers, gurus, people from work, someone who gave you a break, as well as countless others. You may want to be thankful for the gift of life itself, or for the beauty of nature.
As you think of people to be grateful for, remember that it can be anyone – someone who allowed you to merge into traffic, someone who held the door open for you, or a physician who saved your life. The point is to gear your attention toward gratitude, preferably first thing in the morning.
I learned a long time ago that it’s easy to allow my mind to slip into various forms of negativity. When I do, the first thing that leaves me is my sense of gratitude. I begin to take the people in my life for granted, and the love that I often feel is replaced with resentment and frustration. What this exercise reminds me to do is to focus on the good in my life. Invariably as I think of one person to feel gratitude for, the image of another person pops into my head, then another and another. Pretty soon I’m thinking of other things to be grateful for – my health, my children, my home, my career, the readers of my books, my freedom, and on and on it goes.
It may seem like an awfully simple suggestion, but it really works! If you wake up in the morning with gratitude on your mind, it’s pretty difficult, in fact almost impossible, to feel anything but peace.
This simple strategy, which may take only a few seconds to complete, has long been one of the most important habits I have ever engaged in. I try to remember to start my day thinking of someone to thank. To me, gratitude and inner peace go hand in hand. The more genuinely grateful I feel for the gift of my life, the more peaceful I feel. Gratitude, then, is worthy of a little practice.
If you’re anything like me, you probably have many people in your life to feel grateful for: friends, family members, people from your past, teachers, gurus, people from work, someone who gave you a break, as well as countless others. You may want to be thankful for the gift of life itself, or for the beauty of nature.
As you think of people to be grateful for, remember that it can be anyone – someone who allowed you to merge into traffic, someone who held the door open for you, or a physician who saved your life. The point is to gear your attention toward gratitude, preferably first thing in the morning.
I learned a long time ago that it’s easy to allow my mind to slip into various forms of negativity. When I do, the first thing that leaves me is my sense of gratitude. I begin to take the people in my life for granted, and the love that I often feel is replaced with resentment and frustration. What this exercise reminds me to do is to focus on the good in my life. Invariably as I think of one person to feel gratitude for, the image of another person pops into my head, then another and another. Pretty soon I’m thinking of other things to be grateful for – my health, my children, my home, my career, the readers of my books, my freedom, and on and on it goes.
It may seem like an awfully simple suggestion, but it really works! If you wake up in the morning with gratitude on your mind, it’s pretty difficult, in fact almost impossible, to feel anything but peace.
-
Big Boy
- היימישער באניצער
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- זיך רעגיסטרירט: דינסטאג מאי 28, 2013 5:53 pm
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“Become A Better Listener”
I grew up believing I was a good listener. And although I have become a better listener than I was ten years ago, I have to admit I am still only an adequate listener.
Effective listening is more than simply avoiding the bad habit of interrupting others when they are speaking or finishing their sentences. It is being content to listen to the entire thought of someone rather than waiting impatiently for your chance to respond.
In some ways, the way we fail to listen is symbolic of the way we live. We often treat communication as if it were a race. It is almost like our goal is to have no time gaps between the conclusion of the sentence of the person we are speaking with and the beginning of our own. My wife and I were recently at a café having lunch, eavesdropping on the conversations around us. It seemed that no one was really listening to one another; instead they were taking turns not listening to one another. I asked my wife if I still did the same thing. With a smile on her face, she said “Only sometimes.”
Slowing down your responses and becoming a better listener aids you in becoming a more peaceful person. It takes pressure from you. If you think about it, you’ll notice that it takes an enormous amount of energy and is very stressful to be sitting at the edge of your seat trying to guess what the person in front of you (or on the telephone) is going to say so that you can fire back your response. But as you wait for the people you are communicating with to finish, as you simply listen more intently to what is being said, you’ll notice that the pressure you feel is off. You’ll immediately feel more relaxed and so will the people you are talking to. They will feel safe in slowing down their responses because they won’t feel in competition with you for “airtime!” Not only will becoming a better listener make you a more patient person, it will also enhance the quality of your relationships. Everyone loves to talk to someone who truly listens to what they are saying.
I grew up believing I was a good listener. And although I have become a better listener than I was ten years ago, I have to admit I am still only an adequate listener.
Effective listening is more than simply avoiding the bad habit of interrupting others when they are speaking or finishing their sentences. It is being content to listen to the entire thought of someone rather than waiting impatiently for your chance to respond.
In some ways, the way we fail to listen is symbolic of the way we live. We often treat communication as if it were a race. It is almost like our goal is to have no time gaps between the conclusion of the sentence of the person we are speaking with and the beginning of our own. My wife and I were recently at a café having lunch, eavesdropping on the conversations around us. It seemed that no one was really listening to one another; instead they were taking turns not listening to one another. I asked my wife if I still did the same thing. With a smile on her face, she said “Only sometimes.”
Slowing down your responses and becoming a better listener aids you in becoming a more peaceful person. It takes pressure from you. If you think about it, you’ll notice that it takes an enormous amount of energy and is very stressful to be sitting at the edge of your seat trying to guess what the person in front of you (or on the telephone) is going to say so that you can fire back your response. But as you wait for the people you are communicating with to finish, as you simply listen more intently to what is being said, you’ll notice that the pressure you feel is off. You’ll immediately feel more relaxed and so will the people you are talking to. They will feel safe in slowing down their responses because they won’t feel in competition with you for “airtime!” Not only will becoming a better listener make you a more patient person, it will also enhance the quality of your relationships. Everyone loves to talk to someone who truly listens to what they are saying.
-
Big Boy
- היימישער באניצער
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- זיך רעגיסטרירט: דינסטאג מאי 28, 2013 5:53 pm
- האט שוין געלייקט: 636 מאל
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“What Happens When Your Work Really Matters? It’s Called A Mission Moment”
-Don Yaeger
What do you call a moment that is packed with power, one that inspires you to work harder and live better? Phil Lussier, board chairman of the Make-A-Wish Foundation, labels it a “mission moment”—a moment that reminds us of the real purpose behind that hard work and better living.
Lussier was a Make-A-Wish parent first, and after his child’s wish was granted, he felt emotionally empowered to become more involved in the foundation. Since then, he continuously stresses to employees and volunteers the need to remember their company’s mission—by experiencing moments. So at every board meeting, the chairman has a wish child visit to share their Make-A-Wish experience—heartfelt moments that remind everyone in the room why they do what they do.
Take Bill George, former CEO of Medtronic, a medical technology company that manufactures insulin pumps, as another witness to mission moments. George considers the emotional connection between the employees and the Medtronic mission one of the company’s greatest successes.
During the company’s annual holiday party, the employees assemble in the company’s auditorium, along with thousands of other colleagues watching via webcast, to hear six patient testimonials. They warmly share how Medtronic products saved their lives, and after they are finished, there is never a dry eye in the room. Through the personal stories and expressed feelings of the patients, the Medtronic employees rediscover just how important their work is—how it’s not about making money for themselves or the company, but making a difference in the lives of others. By seeing their impact on the patients, the employees are able to understand the life-changing scope of their work.
Too often, we can forget our mission. It’s very easy to be swept away in our schedules, commitments or workflow. But we can remember what our mission is by experiencing moments—whether it’s a child’s visit to Make-A-Wish or a Medtronic customer explaining how their health and life have improved. To stay connected to your work in a more personal way, search for these moments that remind you of your purpose and the impact you have on others.
Have you ever experienced a mission moment?
-Don Yaeger
What do you call a moment that is packed with power, one that inspires you to work harder and live better? Phil Lussier, board chairman of the Make-A-Wish Foundation, labels it a “mission moment”—a moment that reminds us of the real purpose behind that hard work and better living.
Lussier was a Make-A-Wish parent first, and after his child’s wish was granted, he felt emotionally empowered to become more involved in the foundation. Since then, he continuously stresses to employees and volunteers the need to remember their company’s mission—by experiencing moments. So at every board meeting, the chairman has a wish child visit to share their Make-A-Wish experience—heartfelt moments that remind everyone in the room why they do what they do.
Take Bill George, former CEO of Medtronic, a medical technology company that manufactures insulin pumps, as another witness to mission moments. George considers the emotional connection between the employees and the Medtronic mission one of the company’s greatest successes.
During the company’s annual holiday party, the employees assemble in the company’s auditorium, along with thousands of other colleagues watching via webcast, to hear six patient testimonials. They warmly share how Medtronic products saved their lives, and after they are finished, there is never a dry eye in the room. Through the personal stories and expressed feelings of the patients, the Medtronic employees rediscover just how important their work is—how it’s not about making money for themselves or the company, but making a difference in the lives of others. By seeing their impact on the patients, the employees are able to understand the life-changing scope of their work.
Too often, we can forget our mission. It’s very easy to be swept away in our schedules, commitments or workflow. But we can remember what our mission is by experiencing moments—whether it’s a child’s visit to Make-A-Wish or a Medtronic customer explaining how their health and life have improved. To stay connected to your work in a more personal way, search for these moments that remind you of your purpose and the impact you have on others.
Have you ever experienced a mission moment?
-
Big Boy
- היימישער באניצער
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- זיך רעגיסטרירט: דינסטאג מאי 28, 2013 5:53 pm
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“Bored? 6 Ideas To Embrace Your Curious Side”
-Patty Onderko
Being curious can bring a part of you—the excited, anything-is-possible part—back to life. Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va., and the author of Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life, calls curiosity the “engine of growth.” After all, curiosity leads to exploration. And exploration leads to discovery. Where would we be if we weren’t curious?
But the quality—celebrated in youth—is largely overlooked during adulthood, as being or appearing authoritative gains importance. “Our culture has an unhealthy obsession with certainty,” Kashdan says. Feeling certain about things and believing that others are certain, too, offers comfort and security, he explains. But the confidence of certainty comes with a price: the loss of spontaneity, energy, surprise and new experiences—in short, boredom. And we’ve all come to equate this boring security with adulthood. But it doesn’t have to be that way, Kashdan says. “Curiosity is the antidote.” Curious? You should be! Read on to find out how to let go of certainty and embrace the unknown.
1. Act on your curiosity: Feeling curious is a nice feeling on its own. Brain-mapping studies have shown that the emotion lights up a feel-good portion of the brain. We feel excited about the unknown and energized by the idea of something new. (If it didn’t feel good in a primitive physiological way, our species probably would never have survived.) But scratching that itch, so to speak, is what really makes a difference in the quality of your life, Kashdan says. So if you’re curious about surfing, take a lesson. Whether you enjoy it or whether you are good at catching waves is irrelevant. But the more you act on your curiosity, the more you learn. And in one survey of over 130,000 people, the strongest predictor for how much enjoyment a person experienced on any given day was whether he or she had learned something new the day before.
2. Don’t be embarrassed to ask: If you have a child, you’ve probably learned this lesson already. While we adults are accustomed to not “bothering” or questioning strangers (and risk looking stupid!), kids let their curiosity lead the way. “Why are you digging that hole?” “What do you see in your binoculars?” “What game are you playing?” “How did you get your kite to fly so high?” When you are with your kids, you’re the lucky recipient of the fruits of their curiosity: You may get to see a bird feed her babies, play freeze-tag with strangers or learn a kite-flying trick (never run when trying to launch a kite; hold the kite above you until the wind catches it). But whether or not you have kids, you can still enjoy the serendipitous experiences that happen when you’re not too embarrassed to be inquisitive.
Not curiously, several studies have borne this theory out: The more social interactions we have during the day—and not just with friends and family, but with what researchers call “weak-tie” relations, the baristas, neighbors, bus drivers and cashiers of our lives—the happier, more positive we feel about the day.
3. Don’t think before you talk: During conversation, try this experiment: Base everything you say on the last sentence spoken by the other person. It may seem like that’s the way any normal back-and-forth conversation should go, but the truth is, says Kashdan, most of us don’t really listen. While the other person speaks, we usually think about what we will say, what story or joke or platitude we will tell. But when we respond to the specifics of what we hear, rather than what we expect to hear, conversations can go in really interesting, unexpected directions.
4. Get to know your spouse: You’ve been married for 20 years and think you know each other inside out? “We only think we know people,” says Kashdan. But human beings are so ridiculously complex and ever-changing, he says, that there is always more you can learn. Be curious about your partner. Does he still like the same song that was his favorite when you met? What is her biggest fear? Learning new things about each other is easier when you embark on new adventures together: Try surfing together! Have a two-person book club. Explore a new neighborhood. Go to parties and mingle with different people so you can come back and gossip together.
5. Choose curiosity over comfort: One big advantage of being a grown-up is that, by now, you know what you like and what you don’t. You may have long ago realized that you are not a beach person, for example. Or that you hate mystery novels. This is a good thing. And you can live a very enjoyable life going on the same type of vacation every year and reading the same type of novels. But study after study has shown that enjoyment is different from fulfillment. And it’s the fulfilling part that has been shown to be a more important factor in overall life satisfaction. So while you may love the linguine con le vongole at your local trattoria, try the osso buco every once in a while. Instead of vegging out in front of the TV with a glass of wine tonight, as is your routine, go for an evening stroll instead. You don’t have to sacrifice your daily pleasures as long as you routinely try finding new ones, too.
6. Imagine you are in an art gallery: When you visit an art museum, you don’t expect to like everything you see, but you typically keep an open mind and an appraising eye on all the work. You may not want to put a particular piece of art over your home mantel, but you allow for the idea that it might make you think, and you open yourself up to the possibility of being moved. Kashdan recommends we adapt the art-gallery attitude to everything in our lives. We don’t have to like everyone and enjoy every experience, but we should be open to finding out about them.
-Patty Onderko
Being curious can bring a part of you—the excited, anything-is-possible part—back to life. Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va., and the author of Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life, calls curiosity the “engine of growth.” After all, curiosity leads to exploration. And exploration leads to discovery. Where would we be if we weren’t curious?
But the quality—celebrated in youth—is largely overlooked during adulthood, as being or appearing authoritative gains importance. “Our culture has an unhealthy obsession with certainty,” Kashdan says. Feeling certain about things and believing that others are certain, too, offers comfort and security, he explains. But the confidence of certainty comes with a price: the loss of spontaneity, energy, surprise and new experiences—in short, boredom. And we’ve all come to equate this boring security with adulthood. But it doesn’t have to be that way, Kashdan says. “Curiosity is the antidote.” Curious? You should be! Read on to find out how to let go of certainty and embrace the unknown.
1. Act on your curiosity: Feeling curious is a nice feeling on its own. Brain-mapping studies have shown that the emotion lights up a feel-good portion of the brain. We feel excited about the unknown and energized by the idea of something new. (If it didn’t feel good in a primitive physiological way, our species probably would never have survived.) But scratching that itch, so to speak, is what really makes a difference in the quality of your life, Kashdan says. So if you’re curious about surfing, take a lesson. Whether you enjoy it or whether you are good at catching waves is irrelevant. But the more you act on your curiosity, the more you learn. And in one survey of over 130,000 people, the strongest predictor for how much enjoyment a person experienced on any given day was whether he or she had learned something new the day before.
2. Don’t be embarrassed to ask: If you have a child, you’ve probably learned this lesson already. While we adults are accustomed to not “bothering” or questioning strangers (and risk looking stupid!), kids let their curiosity lead the way. “Why are you digging that hole?” “What do you see in your binoculars?” “What game are you playing?” “How did you get your kite to fly so high?” When you are with your kids, you’re the lucky recipient of the fruits of their curiosity: You may get to see a bird feed her babies, play freeze-tag with strangers or learn a kite-flying trick (never run when trying to launch a kite; hold the kite above you until the wind catches it). But whether or not you have kids, you can still enjoy the serendipitous experiences that happen when you’re not too embarrassed to be inquisitive.
Not curiously, several studies have borne this theory out: The more social interactions we have during the day—and not just with friends and family, but with what researchers call “weak-tie” relations, the baristas, neighbors, bus drivers and cashiers of our lives—the happier, more positive we feel about the day.
3. Don’t think before you talk: During conversation, try this experiment: Base everything you say on the last sentence spoken by the other person. It may seem like that’s the way any normal back-and-forth conversation should go, but the truth is, says Kashdan, most of us don’t really listen. While the other person speaks, we usually think about what we will say, what story or joke or platitude we will tell. But when we respond to the specifics of what we hear, rather than what we expect to hear, conversations can go in really interesting, unexpected directions.
4. Get to know your spouse: You’ve been married for 20 years and think you know each other inside out? “We only think we know people,” says Kashdan. But human beings are so ridiculously complex and ever-changing, he says, that there is always more you can learn. Be curious about your partner. Does he still like the same song that was his favorite when you met? What is her biggest fear? Learning new things about each other is easier when you embark on new adventures together: Try surfing together! Have a two-person book club. Explore a new neighborhood. Go to parties and mingle with different people so you can come back and gossip together.
5. Choose curiosity over comfort: One big advantage of being a grown-up is that, by now, you know what you like and what you don’t. You may have long ago realized that you are not a beach person, for example. Or that you hate mystery novels. This is a good thing. And you can live a very enjoyable life going on the same type of vacation every year and reading the same type of novels. But study after study has shown that enjoyment is different from fulfillment. And it’s the fulfilling part that has been shown to be a more important factor in overall life satisfaction. So while you may love the linguine con le vongole at your local trattoria, try the osso buco every once in a while. Instead of vegging out in front of the TV with a glass of wine tonight, as is your routine, go for an evening stroll instead. You don’t have to sacrifice your daily pleasures as long as you routinely try finding new ones, too.
6. Imagine you are in an art gallery: When you visit an art museum, you don’t expect to like everything you see, but you typically keep an open mind and an appraising eye on all the work. You may not want to put a particular piece of art over your home mantel, but you allow for the idea that it might make you think, and you open yourself up to the possibility of being moved. Kashdan recommends we adapt the art-gallery attitude to everything in our lives. We don’t have to like everyone and enjoy every experience, but we should be open to finding out about them.
-
Big Boy
- היימישער באניצער
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“Choose Your Battles Wisely”
Choose your battles wisely is a popular phrase in parenting but is equally important in living a contented life. It suggests that life gets filled with opportunities to choose between making a big deal out of something or simply letting it go, realizing it doesn’t really matter. If you choose your battles wisely, you’ll be far more effective in winning those that are truly important.
Certainly there will be times when you will want or need to argue, confront, or even fight for something you believe in. Many people, however, argue, confront, and fight over practically anything, turning their lives into a series of battles over relatively small stuff. There is so much frustration in living this type of life that you lose track of what is truly relevant.
The tiniest disagreement or glitch in your plan can be made into a big deal if your goal (conscious or unconscious) is to have everything work out in your favor. In my book, this is nothing more than a prescription for unhappiness and frustration.
The truth is, life is rarely exactly the way we want it to be, and other people often don’t act as we would like them to. Moment to moment, there are aspects of life that we like and others that we don’t. There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently, and things that don’t work out. If you fight against this principle of life, you’ll spend most of your life fighting battles.
A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone. If your primary goal isn’t to have everything work out perfectly but instead to live a relatively stress-free life, you’ll find that most battles pull you away from your most tranquil feelings. Is it really important that you prove to your spouse that you are right and she is wrong, or that you confront someone simply because it appears as though he or she has made a minor mistake? Does your preference of which restaurant or movie to go to matter enough to argue over it? Does a small scratch on your car really warrant a suit in small claims court? Does the fact that your neighbor won’t park his car on a different part of the street have to be discussed at your family dinner table? These and thousands of other small things are what many people spend their lives fighting about. Take a look at your own list. If it is like mine used to be, you might want to reevaluate your priorities.
If you don’t want to sweat the small stuff, it is critical that you choose your battles wisely. If you do, there will come a day when you’ll rarely feel the need to do battle at all.
Choose your battles wisely is a popular phrase in parenting but is equally important in living a contented life. It suggests that life gets filled with opportunities to choose between making a big deal out of something or simply letting it go, realizing it doesn’t really matter. If you choose your battles wisely, you’ll be far more effective in winning those that are truly important.
Certainly there will be times when you will want or need to argue, confront, or even fight for something you believe in. Many people, however, argue, confront, and fight over practically anything, turning their lives into a series of battles over relatively small stuff. There is so much frustration in living this type of life that you lose track of what is truly relevant.
The tiniest disagreement or glitch in your plan can be made into a big deal if your goal (conscious or unconscious) is to have everything work out in your favor. In my book, this is nothing more than a prescription for unhappiness and frustration.
The truth is, life is rarely exactly the way we want it to be, and other people often don’t act as we would like them to. Moment to moment, there are aspects of life that we like and others that we don’t. There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently, and things that don’t work out. If you fight against this principle of life, you’ll spend most of your life fighting battles.
A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone. If your primary goal isn’t to have everything work out perfectly but instead to live a relatively stress-free life, you’ll find that most battles pull you away from your most tranquil feelings. Is it really important that you prove to your spouse that you are right and she is wrong, or that you confront someone simply because it appears as though he or she has made a minor mistake? Does your preference of which restaurant or movie to go to matter enough to argue over it? Does a small scratch on your car really warrant a suit in small claims court? Does the fact that your neighbor won’t park his car on a different part of the street have to be discussed at your family dinner table? These and thousands of other small things are what many people spend their lives fighting about. Take a look at your own list. If it is like mine used to be, you might want to reevaluate your priorities.
If you don’t want to sweat the small stuff, it is critical that you choose your battles wisely. If you do, there will come a day when you’ll rarely feel the need to do battle at all.
-
Big Boy
- היימישער באניצער
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- זיך רעגיסטרירט: דינסטאג מאי 28, 2013 5:53 pm
- האט שוין געלייקט: 636 מאל
- האט שוין באקומען לייקס: 130 מאל
“Become Aware of Your Moods and Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones”
Your own moods can be extremely deceptive. They can, and probably do, trick you into believing that your life is far worse than it actually is. When you're in a good mood, life looks great. You have perspective, common sense, and wisdom. In good moods, things don't feel so hard, problems seem less formidable and easier to solve. When you're in a good mood, relationships seem to flow and communication is easy. If you are criticized, you take it in stride.
On the contrary, when you're in a bad mood, life looks unbearably serious and difficult. You have very little perspective. You take things personally and often misinterpret those around you, as you impute malignant motives into their actions.
Here's the catch: People don't realize their moods are always on the run. They think instead that their lives have suddenly become worse in the past day, or even the last hour. So, someone who is in a good mood in the morning might love his wife, his job, and his car. He is probably optimistic about his future and feels grateful about his past. But by late afternoon, if his mood is bad, he claims he hates his job, thinks of his wife as a nuisance, thinks his car is a junker, and believes he's going nowhere in his career. If you ask him about his childhood while he's in a low mood, he'll probably tell you it was extremely difficult. He will probably blame his parents for his current plight.
Such quick and drastic concerns may seem absurd, even funny - but we're all like that. In low moods we lose our perspective and everything seems urgent. We completely forget that when we are in a good mood, everything seems so much better. We experience the identical circumstances - who we are married to, where we work, the car we drive, our potential, our childhood - entirely differently, depending on our mood! When we are low, rather than blaming our mood as would be appropriate, we instead tend to feel that our whole life is wrong. It's almost as if we actually believe that our lives have fallen apart in the past hour or two.
The truth is, life is almost never as bad as it seems when you're in a low mood. Rather than staying stuck in a bad temper, convinced you are seeing life realistically, you can learn to question your judgment. Remind yourself, "Of course I'm feeling defensive [or angry, frustrated, stressed, depressed]; I'm in a bad mood. I always feel negative when I'm low." When you're in an ill mood, learn to pass it off as simply that: an unavoidable human condition that will pass with time, if you leave it alone.
A low mood is not the time to analyze your life. To do so is emotional suicide. If you have a legitimate problem, it will still be there when your state of mind improves. The trick is to be grateful for our good moods and graceful in our low moods - not taking them too seriously. The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, "This too shall pass." It will.
Your own moods can be extremely deceptive. They can, and probably do, trick you into believing that your life is far worse than it actually is. When you're in a good mood, life looks great. You have perspective, common sense, and wisdom. In good moods, things don't feel so hard, problems seem less formidable and easier to solve. When you're in a good mood, relationships seem to flow and communication is easy. If you are criticized, you take it in stride.
On the contrary, when you're in a bad mood, life looks unbearably serious and difficult. You have very little perspective. You take things personally and often misinterpret those around you, as you impute malignant motives into their actions.
Here's the catch: People don't realize their moods are always on the run. They think instead that their lives have suddenly become worse in the past day, or even the last hour. So, someone who is in a good mood in the morning might love his wife, his job, and his car. He is probably optimistic about his future and feels grateful about his past. But by late afternoon, if his mood is bad, he claims he hates his job, thinks of his wife as a nuisance, thinks his car is a junker, and believes he's going nowhere in his career. If you ask him about his childhood while he's in a low mood, he'll probably tell you it was extremely difficult. He will probably blame his parents for his current plight.
Such quick and drastic concerns may seem absurd, even funny - but we're all like that. In low moods we lose our perspective and everything seems urgent. We completely forget that when we are in a good mood, everything seems so much better. We experience the identical circumstances - who we are married to, where we work, the car we drive, our potential, our childhood - entirely differently, depending on our mood! When we are low, rather than blaming our mood as would be appropriate, we instead tend to feel that our whole life is wrong. It's almost as if we actually believe that our lives have fallen apart in the past hour or two.
The truth is, life is almost never as bad as it seems when you're in a low mood. Rather than staying stuck in a bad temper, convinced you are seeing life realistically, you can learn to question your judgment. Remind yourself, "Of course I'm feeling defensive [or angry, frustrated, stressed, depressed]; I'm in a bad mood. I always feel negative when I'm low." When you're in an ill mood, learn to pass it off as simply that: an unavoidable human condition that will pass with time, if you leave it alone.
A low mood is not the time to analyze your life. To do so is emotional suicide. If you have a legitimate problem, it will still be there when your state of mind improves. The trick is to be grateful for our good moods and graceful in our low moods - not taking them too seriously. The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, "This too shall pass." It will.
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הרב Big Boy איר קענט אפשר אידיש?
עס טוט מיר זייער וויי איר ברענגט אראפ גוטע געדאנקען אבער ליידער זעה איך די עולם רעאגירט נישט צו דיר בכלל נישט מיט תגובות און נישט מיט לייקס
איך שפיר אז די וועסט נעמען די מיה עס איבערצוטייטשן אויף אידיש וועט דער עולם מער הנאה האבן און עס וועט דיר געבן חיזוק ווייטער אנצוגיין
און אין איינוועגס וועל איך אויך הנאה האבן אז איך וועל זיך נישט דארפן ברעכן די ציין ביי יעדע תגובה עס וועט זיך ליינען פיהל געשמאקע (ניין איך ליין נישט מיט מיין ציין)
עס טוט מיר זייער וויי איר ברענגט אראפ גוטע געדאנקען אבער ליידער זעה איך די עולם רעאגירט נישט צו דיר בכלל נישט מיט תגובות און נישט מיט לייקס
איך שפיר אז די וועסט נעמען די מיה עס איבערצוטייטשן אויף אידיש וועט דער עולם מער הנאה האבן און עס וועט דיר געבן חיזוק ווייטער אנצוגיין
און אין איינוועגס וועל איך אויך הנאה האבן אז איך וועל זיך נישט דארפן ברעכן די ציין ביי יעדע תגובה עס וועט זיך ליינען פיהל געשמאקע (ניין איך ליין נישט מיט מיין ציין)
טראכט וואס די שרייבסט! שרייב נישט וואס די טראכסט! (אדער אפשר יא)
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Big Boy
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“Life Is A Test. It Is Only A Test”
One of my favorite posters says, “Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been a real life, you would have been instructed where to go and what to do.” Whenever I think of this humorous bit of wisdom, it reminds me to not take my life so seriously.
When you look at life and its many challenges as a test, or series of tests, you begin to see each issue you face as an opportunity to grow, a chance to roll with the punches. Whether you are being bombarded with problems, responsibilities, even insurmountable hurdles, when looked at as a test, you always have a chance to succeed, in the sense of rising above that which is challenging you. If, on the other hand, you see each new issue you face as a serious battle that must be won in order to survive, you are probably in for a very rocky journey. The only time you’re likely to be happy is when everything is working out just right. And we all know how often that happens.
As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with. Perhaps you have a difficult teenager or a demanding boss. See if you can redefine the issue you face from being a “problem” to being a test. Rather than struggling with your issue, see if there is something you can learn from it. Ask yourself, “Why is this issue in my life? What would it mean and what would be involved to rise above it? Could I possibly look at this issue any differently? Can I see it as a test of some kind?”
If you give this strategy a try, you may be surprised at your changed responses. For example, I used to struggle a great deal over the issue of my perception of not having enough time. I would rush around trying to get everything done. I blamed my schedule, my family, my circumstances, and anything else I could think of for my plight. Then it dawned on me. If I wanted to be happy, my goal didn’t necessarily have to be to organize my life perfectly so that I had more time, but rather to see whether I could get to the point where I felt it was okay that I couldn’t get everything done that I felt I must. In other words, my real challenge was to see my struggle as a test. Seeing this issue as a test ultimately helped me to cope with one of my biggest personal frustrations. I still struggle now and then about my perceived lack of time, but less than I used to. It has become far more acceptable to me to accept things as they are.
One of my favorite posters says, “Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been a real life, you would have been instructed where to go and what to do.” Whenever I think of this humorous bit of wisdom, it reminds me to not take my life so seriously.
When you look at life and its many challenges as a test, or series of tests, you begin to see each issue you face as an opportunity to grow, a chance to roll with the punches. Whether you are being bombarded with problems, responsibilities, even insurmountable hurdles, when looked at as a test, you always have a chance to succeed, in the sense of rising above that which is challenging you. If, on the other hand, you see each new issue you face as a serious battle that must be won in order to survive, you are probably in for a very rocky journey. The only time you’re likely to be happy is when everything is working out just right. And we all know how often that happens.
As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with. Perhaps you have a difficult teenager or a demanding boss. See if you can redefine the issue you face from being a “problem” to being a test. Rather than struggling with your issue, see if there is something you can learn from it. Ask yourself, “Why is this issue in my life? What would it mean and what would be involved to rise above it? Could I possibly look at this issue any differently? Can I see it as a test of some kind?”
If you give this strategy a try, you may be surprised at your changed responses. For example, I used to struggle a great deal over the issue of my perception of not having enough time. I would rush around trying to get everything done. I blamed my schedule, my family, my circumstances, and anything else I could think of for my plight. Then it dawned on me. If I wanted to be happy, my goal didn’t necessarily have to be to organize my life perfectly so that I had more time, but rather to see whether I could get to the point where I felt it was okay that I couldn’t get everything done that I felt I must. In other words, my real challenge was to see my struggle as a test. Seeing this issue as a test ultimately helped me to cope with one of my biggest personal frustrations. I still struggle now and then about my perceived lack of time, but less than I used to. It has become far more acceptable to me to accept things as they are.
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Big Boy
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“The Law of The Garbage Truck”
-Dave Pollay
How often do you let other people’s nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you’re the Terminator, you’re probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of your success is how quickly you can refocus on what’s important in your life.
Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. And I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here’s what happened.
I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, the car skidded, the tires squealed, and at the very last moment our car stopped just one inch from the other car’s back-end.
I couldn’t believe it. But then I couldn’t believe what happened next. The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. How do I know? Ask any New Yorker, some words in New York come with a special face. I couldn’t believe it!
But then here’s what really blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, “Why did you just do that!? This guy could have killed us!” And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck™.” He said:
"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you.
So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier."
So I started thinking, how often do I let garbage trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street? It was then that I said, “I don’t want their garbage and I’m not going to spread it anymore.”
I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie “The Sixth Sense,” the little boy said, “I see Dead People.” Well now “I see garbage trucks.” I see the load they’re carrying. I see them coming to dump it. And like my taxi driver, I don’t take it personally; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
One of my favorite football players of all time was Walter Payton. Every day on the football field, after being tackled, he would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best. Over the years the best players from around the world in every sport have played this way: Muhammad Ali, Nadia Comaneci, Bjorn Borg, Chris Evert, Michael Jordan, Jackie Robinson, and Pele are just some of those players. And the most inspiring leaders have lived this way: Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King.
See, Roy Baumeister, a psychology researcher from Florida State University, found in his extensive research that you remember bad things more often than good things in your life. You store the bad memories more easily, and you recall them more frequently.
So the odds are against you when a garbage truck comes your way. But when you follow The Law of the Garbage Truck™, you take back control of your life. You make room for the good by letting go of the bad.
The best leaders know that they have to be ready for their next meeting. The best sales people know that they have to be ready for their next client. And the best parents know that they have to be ready to greet their children with hugs and kisses, no matter how many garbage trucks they might have faced that day. All of us know that we have to be fully present, and at our best for the people we care about.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their lives.
What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
Here’s my bet: You’ll be happier.
-Dave Pollay
How often do you let other people’s nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you’re the Terminator, you’re probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of your success is how quickly you can refocus on what’s important in your life.
Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. And I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here’s what happened.
I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, the car skidded, the tires squealed, and at the very last moment our car stopped just one inch from the other car’s back-end.
I couldn’t believe it. But then I couldn’t believe what happened next. The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. How do I know? Ask any New Yorker, some words in New York come with a special face. I couldn’t believe it!
But then here’s what really blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, “Why did you just do that!? This guy could have killed us!” And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck™.” He said:
"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you.
So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier."
So I started thinking, how often do I let garbage trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street? It was then that I said, “I don’t want their garbage and I’m not going to spread it anymore.”
I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie “The Sixth Sense,” the little boy said, “I see Dead People.” Well now “I see garbage trucks.” I see the load they’re carrying. I see them coming to dump it. And like my taxi driver, I don’t take it personally; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
One of my favorite football players of all time was Walter Payton. Every day on the football field, after being tackled, he would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best. Over the years the best players from around the world in every sport have played this way: Muhammad Ali, Nadia Comaneci, Bjorn Borg, Chris Evert, Michael Jordan, Jackie Robinson, and Pele are just some of those players. And the most inspiring leaders have lived this way: Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King.
See, Roy Baumeister, a psychology researcher from Florida State University, found in his extensive research that you remember bad things more often than good things in your life. You store the bad memories more easily, and you recall them more frequently.
So the odds are against you when a garbage truck comes your way. But when you follow The Law of the Garbage Truck™, you take back control of your life. You make room for the good by letting go of the bad.
The best leaders know that they have to be ready for their next meeting. The best sales people know that they have to be ready for their next client. And the best parents know that they have to be ready to greet their children with hugs and kisses, no matter how many garbage trucks they might have faced that day. All of us know that we have to be fully present, and at our best for the people we care about.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their lives.
What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
Here’s my bet: You’ll be happier.
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- זיך רעגיסטרירט: מאנטאג נאוועמבער 03, 2014 2:52 pm
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רויטע וואנצעס האט געשריבן:אנגעזעצטע זענען געלאדענט.
אסאך מאל זעהט מען א פאזעטיווע רעיון וואס בליצט אויף א קלארקייט און קאפ, און לאזט א איינדרוק אויפן מענטש.
דער אשכול איז א ליקוט פון פארשידענע פאזעטיווע רעיונות, בילדער, אדער קליפס וואס העלפט די מחשבה שטייגן און איר געדאנקן גאנג.
דיין מהלך המחשבה געפעלט מיר זייער, איך לייג זיך כסדר אוועק די קוואוטס צו יוזען ווען עס קומט גיט צוניץ