קאווע שטיבל

איז שוין דא אזא אשכול? אויב יא ביטע ציצייכענען אין ציזאם שטעלען איך האב געזיכט אין נישט געטראפן איז איך וועל אנפאנגען מיט אפאר:

There should be an “I’m cooking” button on smoke detectors
I like when i buy a bag of air, and the company is nice enough to put some chips in it
I never scream for nothing, there is always a reason for it, most commonly because I'm in a bad mood...
I couldn't take my neighbors loud arguments anymore.. so I broke into their house and folded his talis.
( ? A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. (possible
Dear heart, please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it; not to catch feelings.
Did you ever kiss your smartphone when closing your Siddur app?

טאקע א נאבעלע סערוויס פאר די כולל אינגעלייט צווישן אונז וועלכע האבן בלאקירט זייער טעקסט מעסעדזשעס אין ליכט פון די תקנות....

[left]A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.[/left]

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence 'a man once told me'!!

!!?? Goi from shul asked me why coffee everybody drinks in shul & when you wanna drink a cup water you hide in toilet

קאסטומער: מעג איך אנטרייען די קלייד אין די פענסטער?
סטאר מענטש: ניין איר וועט מוזן ניצן די דרעסינג רום, אזוי ווי יעדער...

In a way, I feel sorry for the kids of our generation. They'll have parents who know how to check browsing history.

Dear Con Ed
in a effort to maintain proper cash flow i've reduced my payments 5%, its only temporary
Thanks for your understanding

(יאסי גישטעטנער, פאר ווער עס האט עס נאכנישט באקומען)

יודישקייט איז א רעליגיע וואס נאר די רבנים טוען קרימינאלע אקטן האט שוין איינער אמאל געליינט פון איינער וואס איז נישט קיין "ראביי" וואס איז באגאנגען א קריים

קאמפיאטער האט געשריבן:[left]A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.[/left]

I am shocked this is "nivel peh "

Dad joins Facebook. Son posts “***, my dad joined Facebook!!” Dad: “What’s ***?” Son: “Welcome to Facebook!”

קינד: טאטי וואס איז מציצה בפה
טאטע: פרעג נישט שעפעלע עס איז אזא סארט שטאטישע פראגראם

וויפיל סעלפאונ'ס האט נח אריינגענומען אין די תיבה??
ע: צוויי טריפהנע און זיבן כשר'ע

A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, " If you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

Yingerman: How did people Survive 100 years ago without Air condition ???
Yankel Miller: They taake Didn't, they are all dead

The advantage of being a Muslim: When u change ur wife u can still keep the same photo on ur desk

gehlungen האט געשריבן:

קאמפיאטער האט געשריבן:[left]A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.[/left]

I am shocked this is "nivel peh "

You have me confused. Or, (you have confused me.) Are you "Shocked" because the aforementioned post, being ":Niv'l Peh" slipped through the censors. Or, you are shocked that this --being humorous-- is considered "N.P."

Dear mike bloomberg if i order pastrami sandwich, chulent, kishka, pickles do you think the extra 40 oz diet coke will make me obese